Much like the seasons, love in a relationship grows and diminishes.
One of the most common myths in relationships is the perception that when the love wanes the relationship is finished.
If your spouse says ‘I have fallen out of love with you,’ don’t worry. It doesn’t signify that your marriage is finished. It doesn’t even necessarily mean they don’t love you. What it can mean is that the person you love has lost their way, or doesn’t understand the many stages love and a relationship passes through.
You are being called to take charge of the situation, lead your mate towards understanding this process, and perhaps even begin to renew your marriage.
The key to success is in figuring out what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It’s extremely easy for us to connect losing the emotions of being in love with actual loving when it is not always how it is.
After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find that they are lost and confused. What they do not realize is the idea that love is not solely this heady lustful feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a life expectancy – it is temporary. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the appropriate question to ask one’s self could be ‘How now do I love if the initial thrill is gone?’ Are there ways to know how to fix a broken marriage?
We should try to discover that every relationship has stages:
– falling in love
– the honeymoon stage
– chaos or disillusionment
– then mature love or resolution.
We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the emotions fade. With proper understanding, we are able to expect that though the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.
In reality, love is a commitment. It is not simply a feeling, it is a doing thing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.
The next step should be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue. Discuss the feelings and find out what happened, where is it emanating from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple together or with a counselor/mediator that would help them examine their present situation. Consult with your spouse and tell them that this relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.
In dialogue, let the person you love talk while you listen. You will probably hear important things that are important for you to realize about your spouse and your marriage. Alternatively, you might also want to share your own feelings concerning what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by utilizing ‘I feel’ statements.
In the mean time, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person – even if it’s just something you do for only yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more desirable to your spouse and come as a surprise to them.
Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Perform some positive loving acts specifically for your spouse without expecting anything in exchange. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love actually is. Make these acts little things. They do not have to be grand gestures.
It’s the everyday things which actually develop trust, intimacy and love between couples.
Who Am I?
I'm Annette and I've been married for 20 years. My husband and I have three wonderful children.
I hope what you find here will be helpful and I wish you my best as you strive to improve your relationships!
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